So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
