Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
