p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
