Cold hands, warm shart.
Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
