she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize