it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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