My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Watching her eat just hurts me
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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