Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
