bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
