We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
