Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
