Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize