32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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