She is in my trunk
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
