so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Randomize
