Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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