It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
"it" just moved
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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