You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
