Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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