well I can't set my house on fire every night
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
