Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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