you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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