oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
