I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
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