The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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