Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
