just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
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