guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
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