We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
can u get pink eye on your cock?
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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