Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
