And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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