She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
