We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
