They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
