in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
