Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
