I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
