How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
