She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Randomize
