Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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