Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
