dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
