We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
