i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
