Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Randomize
