I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
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