so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
