Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
