i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize