When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
