He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I am midnight drunk by noon
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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