He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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