my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Randomize
