Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I think your dad took our porno
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
