Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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