It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
