Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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