I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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