Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
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