I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize
