You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
