We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
