I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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