he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
