In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
