Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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